I was about eleven years old when two men who pretended to be cops told me to “get the fuck into the car”. That day changed my life. I never knew that one day out of your entire life could literally change everything in your future. Maybe that pedophile would still be alive if I didn’t get into the car, because I wouldn’t have been traumatized by my rape, because it never would have happened. If I was never raped I would never of thought of killing a pedophile, I would have just called the police. Maybe I wouldn’t have even been at the bar that night, because I would have been depressed and needed a drink. I never would have saw Katie that night, and maybe I wouldn’t be accused of the murder. Maybe I wouldn’t even have married Celeste if I didn’t get into that car, so I never would have been any what close to Jimmy, because I wouldn’t be married to his wife’s cousin. It’s funny how these things work out, isn’t it? I wish I never got in that car. I wish I was smart enough to run away and get help. I wouldn’t have become a wolf.

(http://www.screened.com/mystic-river/16-60634/)

Why are they questioning me? Do they know about the pedophile? Did Celeste come clean to them? Oh god, I could go to jail and never see my family again. Yes I saw that pedophile with a child in the car. Yes I acted upon the situation, but only because of the child’s safety. I was saving every other child from that awful disgusting, so called “human being”. If I went to the police that night, it may have been too late. I should have told Celeste the truth about everything though, instead of lying to her about the fake mugger. I hope the police don’t think I was the one who killed Katie Marcus, because I could never imagine laying a hand on that poor girl. Jimmy was my friend as a kid, and now just an acquaintance, but I would still consider him close. He is the husband to my wife’s cousin. We are all in a way a big family, at least the way I see it. I would never hurt Katie. I know it looks bad considering it all went down around the same time, on the same night, and we were both in the same place that night, but I swear I didn't do it. 

How could she betray me like that? My own wife, who I never raised a hand to or acted out at.  She went to my old friend and told him that she thought I killed his daughter. How could she? I know I sounded suspicious and I should have told her the truth after the attack that night, but I didn't. Why didn't I just tell her that I went to that pedophile’s car and bashed his head in and then stuffed him in his own trunk? I guess I wanted her to think it was an accident so the mugger story sounded more realistic. If she knew I intentionally went up to his car and killed him, rather than going to the police, she would think I was dangerous and crazy. I should have just come clean to her. She and my son were the only ones I really had, who loved me.  She told Jimmy about everything I said to her and about her over hearing the cops and just everything. Because of that, I am dead. If she hadn't told Jimmy any of that, I may still be alive. She is mad at Jimmy for killing me, but I think that’s just because she is truly mad at herself for jumping to conclusions about what really happened. I still love her though.